Tag Archives: Life Purpose

Free to Be You

Twenty years ago I was a young mother with two small children and a new home business that we depended on to make ends meet. As a result, I was under a lot of stress. At times my two-year-old daughter could be quite the handful. Not only was she competing for my attention with a baby brother, but also my fledgling business that was taking 40-50 hours per week of my time.

This child, who had once received the undivided attention of her non-working mother, didn’t know what to do. So, she acted out to get my attention. Who could blame her? The flowing water faucet of attention she once received was now reduced to a trickle. This “bad behavior” was something new to me, so I turned to my own mother for advice.

My mother, a kind yet authoritative presence recommended stern punishment for this misbehavior. It wasn’t what I was used to doing, but I didn’t know what else to do. After all, my mother was the ultimate in motherhood. Shouldn’t I follow her advice? I began disciplining my daughter the way I thought my mother would have disciplined us if we’d acted that way.

Frankly, for me it didn’t work like it did for my mom. This only exacerbated my frustration. Yet, I kept on trying to be my mother — except my mother never resorted to yelling, screaming or losing control. She didn’t have to. She was the ultimate in self-control. She could give us a look and we’d behave. Why couldn’t I be like her? Why didn’t my children obey when I tried to be authoritative?

I look back on those years and sincerely regret my actions toward my eldest daughter. I was way too hard on her. All she really needed was some of my love and attention.

Back in those overwhelming days I often lamented, “I used to be a good person until I had children.” I realize now that trying to be someone I wasn’t only amplified an already stressful situation.

I have six children – girl, boy, boy, a 5-year break and another girl, boy, boy. I believe God gave me a do-over with these younger ones. He’s given me a second chance to learn to be me.

While my mother was very successful with her authoritative style, I’m not believable as an authoritative personality. It’s not me. I’m laid-back, inconsistent and affectionate by nature. For me to morph myself into an authoritative style added more stress and frustration to my already overloaded plate. The anger, yelling, and inevitable guilt that resulted in those early years all occurred because I wasn’t being true to myself. I was trying to be someone I’m not.

Somewhere along the way, I learned to be me. My younger children have quite the different mother than my older ones did. I’m not saying I’m perfect or that I don’t ever “lose it,” but the stress of trying to be someone I’m not isn’t there anymore. I’m free to be me and as a result, my children are much more well-behaved, adjusted and loved.

Most of us grow up trying to model someone else – a parent, a teacher, or a mentor. We think because the way they do things works for them, that they should work for us. What we don’t see is that at a core level we can be very different personalities. What works for me might not work for you. Not only that, but in trying to make ourselves fit someone else’s mold, we can become our worst selves.

I no longer look at myself and think having children made me my worst self. It may have for a time, but in the end, being a mom has made me my best self.

My friend Lisa Rae Preston has developed an enlightening system for living as your true self. It’s called STEP Into Destiny. The first step is to understand yourself – what your core passion is – what makes you the happiest by God’s design. The next step is to start operating more from your core. The result will be less stress, more joy, and more success in life.

Take the STEP into Destiny Passion Test today. You may find that some of the stress and challenges you face in life are because you’re trying to operate from someone else’s core and not your own. Don’t make my mistake and live with years of regret. Don’t let those around you suffer the ramifications of you trying to be someone you aren’t. You owe it to those you love to be the “you” God created you to be!

What Is Your Why?

In this footage from the Light the World: Birthing Your Destiny Retreat I talk about discovering your Wny and how to know what you control and what God controls in the story of your life.

Jesus is the author and finisher of your faith story. In the who, what, why, when, where and how questions of life, which ones do you control and which ones does God control? Knowing the difference could make a huge impact on your life, AND have a rippling effect on others.

If you can’t see the video above, you may view it here.

Can you think of more examples where people tried to control God’s part of the situation? There are lots of Biblical examples of people doing it the wrong way and the right. Can you think of some? Or perhaps you have a personal example to share?

You’ve Got to Fish in Your Own Pond

Our greatest resource in life is relationships. We need other people to make big dreams come true. If the adversary can drive a wedge between you and other people, he can keep you from accomplishing what you’re here to do. Some of the typical wedges he drives include feelings of judgement, jealousy, competition, anger, resentment, self-doubt and insecurity.

When we find our own purpose, we realize that God has placed each of us within a sphere of influence to do something no one else can do. This appreciation for our own mission and for that of others enables us to work together to do great things. But one of the first lessons we need to learn is to fish in our own pond.

This video clip is from the Light the World Birthing Your Destiny Retreat we held in Zion National Park in April 2010. In it I talk about how I overcame my own insecurities and learned the importance of fishing in my own pond.

If the video doesn’t show up for you, you can view it here.

“A new commandment I give unto you, That ye love one another; as I have loved you, that ye also love one another. By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples, if ye have love one to another.” (John 13: 34-35)

Are You Stressed Out?

Do you ever feel like there’s too much on your plate? The stress is getting to you and sometimes even making you snippy with others?

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about our propensity to judge others – to look at another person’s decisions, character traits, and even how they choose to apply inspiration – and judge them — especially when we’re stressed.

I learned a lot about not judging and about perspectives while researching an 80-year-old mystery for my novel, An Uncertain Justice, To write the book, I studied various accounts of a murder. They were from newspapers, books, family records, and personal recollections. Interestingly, most saw the event differently. In endeavoring to be as accurate as possible, I assumed that each person who gave an account was telling the truth as they remembered it.

I did not assume that one person was lying or another exaggerating, but only that they all were somehow telling the truth as they perceived it. This enabled me to put together a richer story, and I believe, solve a mystery. I began to understand that truth is a composite of perspectives.

We all look at life through our own lens of life experiences, backgrounds and beliefs. We filter everything we see and experience through those lenses. That includes how we look at other people’s actions.

jesus_mary__marthaIn Luke 10:38-42, there’s an account of Jesus visiting Martha and her sister Mary. In the account Martha is “cumbered about much serving.” In other words, Martha is stressed out with all the tasks on her plate. She’s slaving over a hot stove, trying to make the house presentable for the Master, and doing all she knows how to do to serve Him.

While she’s doing this, Mary is sitting at Jesus’ feet, listening to Him teach her about the gospel. This is a rare opportunity for women of the day. Women of that period were not allowed to discuss religious matters with men. 

At some point, Martha comes to Jesus and says, “Lord, dost thou not care that my sister hath left me to serve alone? Bid her therefore that she help me.”

Jesus answers her, “Martha, Martha, thou art careful and troubled about many things; but one thing is needful: and Mary hath chosen that good part which shall not be taken away from her.”

Instead of judging Martha or Mary in this incident, what if we see the truth of it as Jesus is seeing it? He knows both their hearts. Time and again, we read in the Bible where Jesus perceives people’s thoughts. He knows what both Martha and Mary are thinking. He’s seeing that Martha is going above and beyond to do everything she knows how to do. He sees that this is making her stressed and worried – “troubled.” He sees that Mary is taking advantage of a rare opportunity to sit at His feet and learn about the things of eternity. 

He brings to Martha’s attention that she has a choice. She doesn’t “have” to stress over dinner. She doesn’t “have” to make the house perfect. She’s chosen to do those things, while Mary has chosen to be at the Master’s feet. He’s pointing out that the dinner will be eaten and the house will get dirty again, but it’s not every day you can sit at the feet of the Creator of worlds and learn from Him personally. That experience can never be taken away from Mary.

It’s interesting to note that in her state of stress, Martha has shifted to judgment. We all tend to do this. How many times have you been left to clean up a mess and gotten irritated that no one is helping you? I know I have!

In her stressed state, Martha is judging Mary as lazy. She’s also putting herself on a pedestal as a hard worker, a martyr who has to do so much. Are you noticing the “do” versus “be” words in this story? Martha is convinced that she has to be doing while Mary is content in simply being at the Master’s feet.

I’ve been like Martha a good portion of my life. Oh, I’m not some dutiful immaculate housekeeper by any stretch! But I’ve been a workaholic. I’ve felt that unless I’m doing something, I’m not valuable as a person. I had to realize two things. 

  • First, I have a choice. I didn’t have to do all the things I chose to do. They didn’t make me a better person, and God didn’t require them of me.
  • Second, I had to understand that being who God created me to be is more important than doing a bunch of stuff. 

Once I really got these two things, I finally found peace and joyful abundance. Busy isn’t always better. Most of the time it’s masking the fact that we’re not being who we were born to be! We’re so busy doing things, we never take the time to step back, reflect and truly evaluate what’s going to last!

When you finally understand who you are at the core — more than your gifts and your talents – but the very essence of who God created you to be, stress melts away. Life becomes joyful, effortless and abundant!

I challenge you, to re-evaluate all the things you think you “have to do.” Do you really have to do them? How would spending more time filling your cup, feeding your spirit, and connecting with God be choosing the better part that would never be taken away from you?

If you’re interested in living with less stress and more joy, please join me April 20-23, 2010 in Zion’s National Park for one of the most life-transforming weeks of your life. Experience the essence of who you are as a daughter of God, in a place where His hand is evident in every mountain peak and canyon. Create life-long relationships with other women who will support, encourage and celebrate the beauty in you! Learn more about this Christian women’s retreat today.

You Don’t Need It Until You Need It

I was talking to a friend about the big vision she has for her “life purpose project.” It’s one of those grand ideas that come through inspiration . . . the kind you know God wants you to pursue and which ties in masterfully with your life purpose. The challenge is that it’s so big it feels daunting and she knows there’s no way she can possibly achieve it on her own. Perhaps you know the feeling?

Dozens of questions run through my friend’s mind… “What if I don’t get this item or that resource? How will I support myself if I’m giving all my time and energy to this project? What if someone steals my idea?”

I’ve spoken to her for almost a year about this and encouraged her to go ahead and get some people together and take some initial steps, but it’s never happened. Then, in a moment of epiphany, she realized that God was just waiting on her to walk forward. She realized that she needs to take what action she knows to take and trust God to bring her the pieces she needs when she needs them. I chuckled when she told me this and she noted, “You’re laughing at me… why are you laughing?”

My response was, “By George, I think she’s got it!”

I’m sure she doesn’t remember the dozens of times I tried to tell her this very thing. Funny how you can’t convey this to people… they just have to “get it” in their own way in their own time. Isn’t Heavenly Father amazingly patient?!

I know He’s been ever-patient with me over the last few years as I’ve been learning this very same lesson. He’s been tutoring me in how to have faith, step into the darkness, and trust that what I need will be brought to me when I really need it.  I’ve learned that what you “need” is rarely brought to you before the very last moment.

Wallace Wattles said it this way, “by faith the thing you want is brought to you and by action you receive it.” Action is necessary, crucial and utterly irreplaceable. In God’s eyes, you don’t need it until you need it. Furthermore, if you aren’t moving your feet as far as you can move them, He won’t give you what you think you need. Frankly, you don’t need it yet!

Think about it from Heavenly Father’s perspective. He’s given you a big vision. He’s prompted you with an action to take. If you don’t take that action because you’re afraid of what will or won’t come next, then what does that say about your faith in Him? If you don’t have faith to do the little things, what makes you think you have sufficient faith to do something miraculous? Inaction on spiritual promptings is a sign that you need to build some faith muscles. He’ll help you build those muscles by

  1. making you wait until the very last possible second so you recognize His hand and learn by experience that He won’t drop you; and
  2. not giving you the very thing you think you need until you learn to listen to Him and do what He tells you to do . . . one step at a time.

This is why God rarely gives you tomorrow’s solutions today. Jesus taught it this way, “Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself. Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof” Matthew 6:34.  Today holds within it today’s solutions. It seldom holds tomorrow’s because God is trying to teach you to walk by faith. He wants you to do everything within your power — everything you know to do to take action toward your goals. Then He will step in and bring you what you need when you need it.

Set your intention, pray for a confirmation from the Lord that you’re on the right path and then walk forward in faith, trusting that the next thing you need will be brought to you. It will be, if the course you are pursuing is in alignment with God’s will for you (if you’ve gotten the confirmation, then you’ll know this)!

When Jesus sent forth his disciples to preach, to teach and to heal, He sent them without purse or scrip. Just before his crucifixion when He had his disciples gathered around Him He said, “When I sent you without purse and scrip and shoes, lacked ye anything? And they said, Nothing” (Luke 22:35).

Neither will you lack anything if you walk forward in faith on the path God has shown you. Doubt not, fear not, be believing, and act now on the circumstances, people, and things in your current environment. Do your part, and trust God to deliver what you need next . . . no sooner . . . and no later than you absolutely need it.  It actually becomes fun to watch Him pull through in miraculous times and ways. I challenge you to stop fretting and enjoy the journey!